One of the most important issues we deal with in a divorce proceeding is child custody. Lawyers and Judges prioritize the welfare or best interests of the child at all times. However, there are many myths about shared custody. In this article I will explain what joint custody is, what myths surround it and what strategies I give you to negotiate a fair and peaceful custody.
Shared custody is a modality in which time is divided between the parents and in which the responsibility of raising the children is shared equally: time spent with them, decision making, etc. Now, what does this type of custody entail? I always emphasize it in consultations: a high degree of communication and cooperation between the parents.
Some of the myths surrounding it are the following:
“Shared custody implies being exactly half of the time with each parent”. That is not so: the children do not have to live exactly half the time with each parent, i.e. 50/50. There are many varieties, such as the 2-2-3 modality. Very few people know it, but the time is divided as follows: If we take into account that a week has 7 days, if we opt for this modality, the children would be 2 days with one parent, 2 days with the other and then they would alternate weekends (from Friday to Sunday).
The second myth surrounding it is that “Joint custody is only for parents who get along”. In many cases, even if the parents do not have a very good relationship, they can reach a joint custody agreement given that they prioritize the welfare of their children.
The third myth surrounding joint custody is that “Children always prefer to live with one parent”. This is categorically false. It is paramount that children have a stable and balanced relationship with their parents so sharing time with them has many emotional benefits for everyone and, in addition, strengthens the relationship with both parents.
Beyond the myths, here are some strategies for negotiating fair and peaceful joint custody:
First, try to foster communication and collaboration with the other parent throughout the process. My recommendation is that you put personal differences aside and focus on working together with the other parent for the welfare of your child. This will make the process smoother.
Second, you must take into account the needs of the children and their schedules. Many children have extracurricular activities, for example. We must keep in mind that we may have to be flexible and adapt.
Finally, I recommend that you involve, as far as possible, the children in these processes. You should listen to them and evaluate them to find out what type of shared custody would be best for them. Think that the changes in a divorce not only affect you but also them. Talking to them about the changes that will be involved in applying this type of custody will have a positive impact on everyone.
If you are thinking of agreeing to joint custody, remember that it is a form of custody that benefits both the children and the parents. However, for this model to work successfully, good communication, adaptation and flexibility are required at all times.
Anna Nicolàs Torán
Lawyer Expert in Family Law
M&C Attorneys at Law
